Your Circle of Female Friends

Newsletter time again. Today I’m gonna open this up by
sharing with you something I’ve been incorporating lately
which has had a very positive effect on my “game,” as it
were.

It’s called HAVING FEMALE FRIENDS.

Now, if you’re like most people, you probably have friends.

You DO have FRIENDS, right?

Right.

How many of those are female?

Now, I’m not talking “acquaintances” here. I mean real
friends, people you can just call over and hang out with,
people you aren’t trying to have sex with.

It came to me while I was in Spain, thinking about my social
circle back home. I realized that I had absolutely NO
female friends that I hung out with on a regular basis that
I didn’t have some sort of angle on.

For some reason, this all of a sudden struck me as being a
very sad state of affairs.

So when I got back, I reconnected with all those women I was
ACQUAINTED with, but never really HUNG OUT with.

Some of these were old roommates. Some were girls who I was
really attracted to at one point, but wasn’t able to get with
for whatever reason, and as such were consigned to the dust
heap.

I approached it completely without desire. And I did in fact
reconnect. Some of them were a little wary, knowing about
my notorious player ways. But after we hung out a few times
and I didn’t so much as throw a lick of game at them, they
relaxed.

And you know what? It’s been great. I have twice the friends
now! That’s twice the people to give me a ride to the
airport!

Haaa.. just kidding… sort of. You know what I mean.

There is a deeper point however: this process has enriched
my INNER GAME.

It’s hard to define exactly how, but there is a noticeable
improvement now when I’m actually gaming girls. It’s as
though I’m less needy internally, and the girls can sense
this.

Again, it’s not something I can really quantify, but it is
palpable.

The social proof don’t hurt, either. Rolling into the club with
three hot girls on your arm will do wonders for your
evening, let me assure you.

So yeah: female friends. Get yours today!

Cool. Let’s do that old Q&A thang.

*** QUESTION ***

Hey Jlaix,

I’d like to start by saying thanks for the great content in
the RSD newsletters. I’ve recently signed up and received a
few issues, including the free Tyler seminar, this stuff is
priceless!

Was wondering if you could help me with some advice on a
challenge I’m currently facing involving a closing problem
and phone game.

So I’m in a converation near the end of a night, and I’m joking
around, the girl’s giving me interest, etc. and before I
know it I’m leaving the club and in a taxi home with the two
of them.

The girl asks me if I want to come back to hers for pizza, so
I obviously accept.

When we arrive back at her’s, we sit in the living room, and
whilst eating pizza I spend some time disarming her friends
(almost ignoring the girl altogether).

Anyway this is successful and I get her alone and continue
with subtle physical contact, which she reacts to positively.

So we’re listening to music, chatting, and esculate things to
kissing, etc. Now I’m really into this girl so I’m kissing
very slowly and passionately - how I would kiss a girlfriend,
rather than a one night stand.

I think she seemed surprised by this at first, but
nonetheless she was enjoying it. We continue through stages
of kissing, chatting some more, kissing again, etc. and I’m
thinking that this is leading to getting it on.

But then out of the blue she says “Oh, look at the time (5am),
I need to get some sleep, I have to be up in a few hours,”
then cuddles up to me rolls over and closes her eyes.

I’m lying there confused, and somewhat shocked at how quickly
the vibe had been broken just by her looking at the clock.

I try kissing her some more but now she seems uninterested.

We both fall asleep on the sofa and are woken early morning
by another housemate, who sees me and is thinking who the
hell is this guy. The girl goes cold on me and I’m thinking
it’s maybe down to the housemates reaction.

So before I leave I pick up the girls phone and enter my
number, show it to her, and she then gives me hers, and on
the way out I ask if she is going to text.

She smiles and issues a fairly lame and passive response.

Later that day I decide to text her and ask her how her day
has been. I made a funny reference to a joke from the
previous night and kept it short and sweet.

But it’s now the day after that and she hasn’t replied.

I think it’s obvious where I went wrong. I should have
escalated things faster.

But now should I be viewing this as an opportunity to work on
my phone game (which is currently not very good), i.e. be
persistent, call her and push for a date?

If so, have you got any tips on how i should approach this?

Or treat this how I usually would - move along, next please.

What would you do? Any advice would be much appreciated.

Parker

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

“Whilst eating pizza,” huh?

Whilst I must commend you for using the word “whilst,” I should
remind you that pizza, whilst delicious, will make it pretty
hard for you to get ripped abs.

Wait, that’s my own weird thing, not yours. Moving on…

So yeah, it looks as though you’re painfully aware why this
didn’t turn out to be your “lucky day.”

You’ve got to strike whilst the iron is hot, as they say.
Especially in a scenario like the one you’ve described, which
is, in essence, a drunken club extraction to a roommate-
infested location.

Once you’ve done your job and you’ve gotten her all
gamed up, there is a window of opportunity for you to strike. But
you have to pull the trigger. If you fail to do so within a
certain time period, the window closes, and it’s game over.

These women are not STUPID, okay? Even though they are bound by
convention to sit back and let you escalate, this doesn’t mean
they don’t understand what’s going on when you’re running
your game. They have a reasonable expectation that you are going
to recognize the green lights, sack up and make that move.

Failure to do so isn’t just dumb, it’s also TACKY. Don’t be
tacky. Give them what they want.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

So, that being the case, how to proceed from here?

The last thing you want to do now is go aggressive on her and
call frequently. That, coupled with the fact that you were giving
her those slow, passionate kisses, *could* give her the
impression that you want some kind of relationship, where it
looks (to me, from here) as though she was expecting a
one-off type thing.

Throw in what looks like a smidgen of “one-itis,” (aka putting
unreasonable expectaions on the relationship before sex) and
you’ve got a perfect “blow this dude out” storm.

Persistance is good. Over-eagerness is NOT.

So just play it cool. Call her in a week or so, keep it light,
nonchalant, and above all FUN. Bring the value to HER. That’s
the only way you’re gonna make this work.

Sound good? Remember… FUN and VALUE.

Awesome. Next caller.

*** SUCCESS STORY ***

Hi Jeffy,

Did the boot camp. An eye opening experience to say the
least. Changed my life.

I highly recommend doing a boot camp.

Received a great education and had a lot of fun.

Well I inadvertently screwed up with a girl. Beginner’s
mistake.

I did what I was taught at the boot camp and was in total
control of the situation. Always leading and setting the
tone.

When I called she made it a high priority to meet me and came
running. Then I started to like this girl and really backed
off.

Yeah I know, I got scared and wimped out. Became nice guy.

Next thing I knew I was super chode and didn’t realize it.

Obviously the girl lost a lot of interest. Then the light
went off how I screwed up. Now this girl started blowing me
off and only occasionally returns my calls. She will still
get together with me but only when she has time.
Usually for a short lunch.

Occasionally she will still call on her own initiative to see
how I am doing or hang out. I became the dreaded “friend.”

I lost my value. Could reset no problem. Actually working 2
other girls I am more interested in at the present.

However, I see a challenge and a greater potential learning
experience here. My goal is not just to recover this girl,
but when I call I want her to come running again.

I need a game plan. How can I make this happen?

J.D.

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

Look. You’re in the friend zone. You made the same mistake
as our buddy Parker up above, by failing to take charge and
pull the trigger when you had the opportunity.

But all is not lost.

Remember, it’s never over until you SAY it’s over.

This reminds me of a funny incident that happened one night
whilst I was on bootcamp.

I was going around opening converasations with women with
the following:

“Hey guys, quick female opinion… if a guy is in THE
FRIEND ZONE, is there any way he can get out?”

Now, most of them would think and give a well-reasoned response
that was utterly bogus or impractical.

But ONE special group of girls was different.

They were pretty drunk, just sitting there chatting away when
I walked up and asked the question.

Without skipping a beat, they reply, in unison, “Yeah… he
can BANG her.”

Huh! Imagine that!

I laughed, but the more I thought about this, I began to
realize that this simple answer had a lot of truth to it.

The girl’s your friend, right? So, just call her up, hang out
with her, and just DO IT.

And if it doesn’t work out that way, you can still make it a
growth and learning experience by adding her to your circle
of female friends.

Set yourself up to win no matter what the outcome is. That
is a mindset that really changed my life in concrete,
immediate ways.

Another way to change your life in a concrete and immediate
way is to participate in a Real Social Dynamics Bootcamp.

And whilst our Bootcamps are the most demanding endeavors that
I’ve ever been a part of, so physically, emotionally, mentally
and psychologically taxing, there is always that underlying
sense of joy, of celebration and of people having fun playing
a simple game.

Always positive, always constructive, the Executive Coaches
will drive you in ways and directions that you’re not aware of,
always with the goal of making you better.

It’s never about US, never about the struggle for material
accumulation, but always about individual skill and personal
development within the framework of your SELF and the game.

The program is structured around the four laws of learning:
explanation, demonstration, correction and repetition.

And repeat you will. Everything, every moment of the program,
until you’ve become a top notch player yourself, with your
own style.

It’s not about winning and losing but rather about the effort
to win. It’s not about getting laid, but generally about life.
It’s not about strategy, tactics or techniques but rather
about people and character.

At RSD, we know that once you become a good person, then you
have a chance of becoming a good “pick up artist” or whatever
else you may want to do. That’s what our Bootcamps are all
about.

To learn more, visit:

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/n/bootcamps.asp

And let’s take our next caller please:

*** QUESTION ***

Hey Jlaix,

I have a lot to thank RSD for.

Thanks to Alex and Hoobie I learned a LOT in those 3 days. I
havent been this fast since I got back. Had a lot of
practicing to do since I came back from Bootcamp.

But what Improved since then were my story telling skills,
my approaches are much better, In fact now I want the first
three approaches to go bad so that I’m “in state” to go for
a LOT more!

I met 2 Models, still am in contact with one. will get
together with her when she gets back from Olympic fights
(She’s an olympic sword fighter).

And I go out almost every weekend when I can.

Now, to my question:

I realized I ve been going to clubs that have literally been
filled with Players, so the competition is much much higher.

Lately I’ve been getting flak a lot by a couple of
guys saying “Shes been taken, blow off” and what not other
stuff.

Now I know theres a way to get through here too. But Im just
cant figure it out.

I think it took me 15 approaches to realize that I can
disarm these guys by saying that theyre fun people, and
Introducing myself to them the way I do to girls: with Hi
energy. Saying they must be Players themselves.

I thought I’d ask how you deal with this kind of stuff. maybe
you have some pointers that Ive been missing.

Thanks for the advice
Kash

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

Hmmm. Well, this is a very complicated and divisive topic,
but I’ll do my best to paint you a picture with some broad
strokes.

One thing you need to understand is the distinction between the
true “player” and a regular, run-of-the-mill chode.

Frequently, I’ll be talking to a girl and all of a sudden, some
drunken chode musters the nerve to attempt to horn in on my
game, by making some blunt comment like the one you
mentioned above.

With these morons, it’s incredibly easy to shake them.

First, determine whether this guy is close with her, or someone
she just met by asking, “How do you guys know each other?”

If they know each other well, then yeah, it’s best to befriend
them in the manner you described.

If it’s a random, all you’ve got to do is TALK LOUDER than
them, IGNORE them, and then PHYSICALLY CUT THEM OUT of the
group.

If you do this, it’s highly unlikely that the chode will be
able to recover. Most likely he will disappear into the void,
never to be seen again.

Now, once in a while, you’ll get a guy who actually has game,
and this requires a different approach. This guy will not
be dissuaded by your disacknowledgement, and will likely cut
YOU out of the group if you’re not quick.

When one of these guys comes in, there are a couple things you
can do, and it depends on what his approach is.

Sometimes, the guy will attempt to lower your value by making
fun of you in front of the girl. This can be devastating,
especially if the girl finds it amusing and starts laughing at
you.

What you want to do in this situation is DISPLAY LOWER VALUE.

In other words, agree with whatever the guy says, and then
indicate that he is, in fact, much, much cooler than you.

Quick example: Guy makes fun of my hair. I respond, “Oh man,
you’re right! I’m just trying to impress you, man? Is it working?
Oh, puuuuLEEEZE tell me it’s working! Teach me, man. Teach me!”

Situation defused. Now grab the girl’s attention, and cut his
sorry butt out.

As with anything, you’ll have to practice this to get the
proper calibration, but it’s not super difficult. Get out
there and LEARN.

Experience is the best teacher. TYLER comes in a close second.

Tyler is the founder of RSD, and a bad mother-shut-yo-mouth.
During the Foundations, his latest CD/DVD home seminar course,
you’ll get 8 full discs of listening to his latest thoughts
on the game and issues like the very ones you’re struggling
with.

You know I’m not really the kind of guy who sits here and blows
sunshine up your ass. This is a solid product, and you’d be
well advised to look into it a little more.

You can find more info on the Foundations by visiting here:

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/foundations.asp

Thanks.

Once again, it comes time to say goodbye for now.
Parting is such sweet sorrow.

Sorry, that “whilst” bit has put me in a Shakespearean mood. I
think I’m gonna go write a sonnet.

Talk to you soon.

Sincerely,

Jeffy, Executive Coach
REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS