QUESTION:
Yo Carlos,
WASSUP? Well, one of my friends recommended me to you about a few months ago and I must say you definitely know what you are doing because I have a friend who naturally applies some of your principles. Now, I on the other hand have trouble with women.
I am 19 years of age and want to start approaching women, but the fact is that I never have had any type of success with women. Every time I see a woman I would like to approach, I get a little nervous and am afraid of totally screwing up. I have a fear or something.
Now, my question to you is what is the BEST way to eliminate this fear and nervousness? Should I just DO IT and not give a dam if I totally mess up or what? What do you recommend?
P. S - I have never really approached a woman before in my life, so I have to get this handled. Carlos, thank you man, I appreciate your generosity.
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CARLOS GIVES YOU A LITTLE MOTIVATION:
Well, first of all, I’m glad you’re making the effort to take care of this BIG part of your life.
Guys don’t really stop to think very often just how important success with women is to them. Unfortunately, this winds up
blinding them later on in life. High 5 to you for getting control of this NOW, while you can still shape your habits.
I’ll give you a short and a longer answer:
YES, you should just DO IT and ignore the fear.
You see, that’s the quickest way to overcoming it. A famous soldier was once asked how he was so fearless on the battlefield. He said he wasn’t fearless at all. He was so scared he almost crapped his pants every time. But what he didn’t do was let the fear STOP HIM.
That’s the critical difference. Not that you’ll ever totally erase the fear, but that you find a way to act in SPITE of it.
Ah, but it’s not always as easy as it sounds to just DO IT. There’s a lot of mental machinery trying to undermine your ability to act, and your self-esteem plays a large role in it.
So how do you act in spite of it?
You have to RE-FRAME the meaning of the event. The reason that you’re feeling scared when you approach a woman is that years of bad social conditioning has left you believing that women are some kind of MAGICAL and SPECIAL creatures. Perhaps that they are almost PERFECT.
Let me assure you from past experience, they do all the nasties that men do. They’re FAR from perfect. They poop. They pick their noses. And when they get really really drunk, they hurl just like guys.
Not pretty?
Well, it should serve to knock her off her pedestal a bit, which is what you MUST learn how to do if you’re going to have long-term success with women.
Right away, I urge you to complete your understanding of this subject by checking out my Approach Women program.
You’ll be glad you did.
———-
QUESTION:
Thanks in the past for replying to my mails. It always helps. You are the man! I love your latest e-book and am using it as a guide for self-improvement.
Thanks for pointing out so many truths and empowering the male species.
I have another one for you, bud.
Here’s my story.
I met a girl I really like and I kinda sensed something was wrong. She seemed to be into me but I couldn’t tell for sure. I shortly found out that she was engaged. To say the least, it pissed me off.
Her friend broke the news to me because she supposedly didn’t have the guts. I put it under the rug and moved forward and somehow bumped into her again. I experimented to see how that would result and talked to her.
She told me she dismissed me as a possibility because I cut off contact with her and wasn’t replying to my messages. She had
that very same day broken up with her fiancee and called it off.
I moved and forgot about it and she tried to contact me without my knowing and when I found out, she told me that because I didn’t contact her, she got back together with her ex. We are sort of dating but she is engaged.
She told me that she doesn’t want to break his heart and he lives far away and bought her a plane ticket and a wedding ring. She really feels pressured because he went out on a limb for her. I told her that it’s never too late to make up her mind and she agreed but she has a tough time following through with it.
I like this girl and I know for sure that she likes me too. Chemistry is there for sure. But what the hell do I do? I don’t think it’s
going to work when she gets there but she might give in to not hurt anyone.
I’m not an a$$hole but I don’t want to get shafted. I told her if she came back and her heart wasn’t open, it would be the last time she’d hear from me.
What advice do you have?
———-
CARLOS TELLS YOU WHY WOMEN ARE SO PASSIVE:
Passive?
Yes, women are very passive about their roles in relationships. They will typically not handle things directly. They prefer to play
the more passive role.
They really don’t like confrontations, either.
I’ve had women like this in my life, and I was usually better off without them.
You will be, too.
Yes, I can imagine this is incredibly frustrating from your point of view. After all, every time you want her, she’s not available.
And she never let’s you know she’s interested when she is.
One day she’s with him, the next she’s not.
On/Off
Hot/Cold
Yes/No…
Which is it?
She just doesn’t sound like stable material to me. And if she’s willing to “give in” and marry this guy just to not hurt someone, well that’s plain messed up.
That’s how lives are ruined. Small sacrifices just to avoid confrontation or trying to avoid dealing with reality.
Imagine ten years from now when she’s given up on this guy and figures out that it’s time to leave him. The pain she’ll incur.
Imagine if she has a few children and then decides after a few years (after her pain has built to an intolerable level) to just
dump the whole thing and go back.
And now you should thank your lucky stars that it won’t be YOU going through that instead.
This girl is lost. She’s letting herself do something out of guilt and fear and completely ignoring her own desires. Don’t try to rescue her or save her. Some people need to make certain mistakes before they’ll ever learn.
She’s also showing bright red flags here in that she seems to be waiting for an emotional rescuer to swoop in and save her day.
She’s still a little girl that needs other people to make her big decisions for her, apparently.
The toughest thing is to watch someone you care about make bad choices for themselves. It sucks, but you can’t save them or fix them. That’s not your job.
The way you need to look at this is this: Do you want to be playing this role for her for the rest of your life?
Do you want her always falling into predicaments that you have to help her with, or that she has to go to you to make her big-girl, grownup decisions? Nope. I didn’t think so.
And I don’t buy that “you weren’t around, so I fell back on the closest available guy” thing, either. That’s so lame.
Ultimately, I’ll bet you that this thing doesn’t work out with her and this guy.
Let her go, let her make her mistakes, and let her learn from them. That’s the best thing you can do for her right now.
Then, and ONLY then, will she be suitable for you to come back to.
You’re not being an a$$hole. On the contrary, you’re doing the RIGHT thing! You’re engaging your self-preservation mechanism.
Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re being a jerk for not helping her drive herself off a cliff on this one. Don’t believe that taking care of yourself is a bad thing, either. Look out for your own emotional safety while doing the best for others that you can.
You’ve done everything you need to. Now let her go and move on to your next step in life. There are other women you need to be
dating. If this girl gets her head on straight, then fine. Until then, it’s business as usual.
Repeat that after me, everyone… “BUSINESS AS USUAL!”
Don’t be one of those guys who keeps letting the woman back into his life while she continues her self-destructive habits. You’ve
got a life of your own to go live, and she’s got a lot of growing up to do.
If you want to REALLY learn how to increase your self-confidence, self-esteem, and overall self-image, you need to take a look at the Secrets of the Alpha Man program.
I wrote the book on this subject of Alpha Men (literally and figuratively) and now I want you guys to reap the benefits.
In this book, I reveal the secret that most guys out there (especially “pick up artists”) don’t realize.
Really, do you want to go any further without this knowledge?
This is what the other guys are using, and if you don’t start learning the principles of how to create attraction, you’re losing ground every day you wait.
Do you want another year of confusion and poor results to stop you from getting what you deserve?
If you’re reading this now, and you want to learn the strategies that others have learned, the top-down strategies are exactly what my Alpha Man Program will teach you.
Not only do you learn what the subtle psychological aspects are, but how you can amplify these”Alpha” traits so that you are able to draw in the women that you want. The only magic you have to add to this equation is the attitude to take action.
If you’re reading these newsletters, and you find yourself nodding your head, wishing you could figure out what the heck is going on in your own dating situation, it’s time to do better.
Are you tired of finding women that seem to be interested, and then they seem to get distant and all you get is a peck on the cheek and a “let’s just be friends”?
Do you want to take the woman that you’ve lost and get her interested again?
Do you want to make sure you handle it right, from the start?
Ask yourself: What am I waiting for?
Get understanding so that you can make 2006 the year you took care of yourself and started being really successful with women.
Life is a LOT shorter than you think.
Ask yourself: Do you want to wind up in your rocking chair whining about all the things you SHOULD have done?
My e-book gives you the information and skills to get the women YOU
want. Not SETTLE FOR.
I’ve even thrown in a few new extra bonuses that you’re going to want to grab with these offers, too.
If you get the program right away, I’ll send you the e-book RIGHT AWAY so you can get started… AND I’ll even send you a link
to join the Alpha Man Forum - a special user group where you can exchange information and tips with other Alpha Men.
Just remember: Every man is self-made, but only the SUCCESSFUL admit it.
I’ll be back with more advice soon …
- Carlos
PS: If you’d like to get another 6 hours of extra audio advice, be sure to order from this special page.
Send this email to someone who can use the information. Help spread
the word!
————————————————————
(C) 2003-2006 DD Publications, All Rights Reserved.
Carlos Xuma
Dating Advice for Men
www.datingdynamics.com
www.alphaseduction.com
www.seductionmethod.com
DD Publications, PO Box 10527 Oakland, CA 94610-0527, USA
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