I’m sitting here in bed writing up today’s newsletter.
You know, I do a lot of traveling, and whenever I return home
from a long trip, I am simply AMAZED at how comfortable my
bed is.
Like, when I was in Spain I was sleeping on some basic chode
Spanish bed, and it was fine, you know nothing special, and I
got used to it. When I returned home, I remember being
BLOWN AWAY by the difference in softness and comfort.
I got the high thread count sheets, I got the four-inch NASA
space foam, the throw pillows, the FUR duvet cover. Oh yeah.
A while back, I brought some girl over to the pad and she
started berating me about my “ghetto” sheets and bathroom,
so I sheepishly took a trip down to the housewares store and
blew a few hundred bucks.
Worth every penny, man. Every penny.
So, it is in a state of extreme comfort that I bring you
this issue of the GREATEST NEWSLETTER ON EARTH.
You know how we roll here… Q&A time.
*** QUESTION ***
Hey Jeffy,
Awesome job with the newsletters. I really want you to address
my question in an upcoming RSD newsletter:
Lot of times, I have used the opinion openers, and then went in
to a story like you mention in your latest newsletter. After
that, I use the natural talk - What do you guys do, where you
from, stuff like that - because I run out of stuff and I just
try to vibe naturally with *normal* conversation.
Now, at this point if I go for the phone number, it is either
not solid/the girls don’t give the number out, from many
previous experiences.
A lot of times they have said, Sorry I dont give out my number
to random guys/I have a boyfriend.
What is your take on it?
Thanks a lot, appreciate it!
Keep gamin
playboy x
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
Wow, what a surprise. You’re using “normal” conversational topics
and getting “normal” results.
By normal I mean “lack of attraction” and “unsolid closes.”
Look dude, you’re gonna have to step your game up if you want to
get the results you want. This normal crap simply is NOT going
to cut it.
Why not? Because that’s the stuff that 90% of guys use. It’s
boring, it’s not fun or exciting, and what’s more, it’s
TAKING value from the girls.
It’s what I call “the INTERVIEW pickup.”
This is when you see guys walk up to the set and immediately
start asking the girls personal questions in an attempt to
gain rapport with them.
What I do when I see these guys is, I’ll walk up to the girls
and start MOCKING what they’re doing, right there in front of
them, emulating their weak body language, leaning in to the girls
and touching them all creepily:
“Helllooooo, ladies. You certainly look lovely. What’s your
name? What do you do? Where do you live? May I buy you a drink?
What do you do? Oh did I already ask that one? Heyyyyyyy….”
At this point, the girls start busting up laughing, while the
guy just stands there, confused at what’s happening, but knowing
it’s not good. Boom, he’s blown out.
It’s not his fault he’s such a chode. He just doesn’t know any
better. He thinks rolling up and asking these rapport-seeking
questions are the way to go.
These are the same types of questions you refer to above.
They’re doing it because they don’t have the confidence or the
ability to step up to the girls and CONTRIBUTE anything to the
group.
Instead, they TAKE energy from them. They’re like an energy
leech on the group, and it usually isn’t long before they
get blown out, because they aren’t adding any value to the
interaction.
You have to be contributive to the group’s energy. This is why
we stress the 90/10 rule when you first approach a girl or group
of girls.
The 90/10 rule means this: YOU contribute 90 percent of the
conversation, while they contribute 10 percent.
Now, this certainly doesn’t mean that you need to maintain this
90 percent for the entire 50 year course of the relationship.
But for the first ten or fifteen minutes, that’s what you gotta
do.
That’s another reason why I don’t ask questions. Because frankly,
for those first ten minutes, I literally don’t give a sh!t what
she has to say anyway. I’m just trying to display value to get
her to open up.
So, if she says something and I can’t hear it, I won’t say,
“What?” and get her to repeat herself. I really don’t CARE what
it was that she said. I just want to plow on and get that
initial attraction kickstarted. There will be plenty of time to
listen to what she has to say afterwards.
How do you know when it’s okay to start asking the questions?
The sign I look for is when SHE starts asking ME questions. The
most common one you’ll hear is, “What’s your name?”
Once I hear this, I know it’s okay to slow things down and start
to get to know her, and it goes to a 50/50 conversational ratio.
Asking all these questions during the initial stages of the
pickup is, in a nutshell, seeking rapport from someone who
hasn’t yet earned it, and frankly it’s DORK-ASS SUPER LAME.
So for now, eliminate these questions, and concentrate on being
a GIVER of value. Tell stories. Teach them things. Play games,
whatever.
Avoid “normal” at all costs. STAND OUT.
Realize that the bar is set very low here. You don’t have to
be Chris Rock here, all you have to do is be different from all
the other guys using the same dumb approach. Avoiding these
kinds of “normal” questions is the first step.
Hope that helps somewhat.
Next caller please!
*** SUCCESS STORY ***
Yo JLAIX,
Freedom here.
In mid 2004 I caught my girlfriend cheating on me with another
guy, in OUR apartment!
After I grabbed the guy by the hair and threw him out in his
boxers I didn’t even say a word to my now ex-girlfriend. I
grabbed all my things, called my 2 buddies and brother to come
over and help me move all my crap out.
She kept telling me how sorry she was and that she loved me. But
I totally ignored her and so did my posse. I told them to
totally ignore her. After I moved out she kept calling me,
leaving me voice mails and sending me emails.
But I had mentally and emotionally cut her out of my life.
Over 5 years of dating and living together for 1 year, all for
nothing?
Not really, I learned a lot of things in the bedroom, we had
great sex, and we had a lot of good nights. Living life with
regret is so USELESS.
Since then I’ve been reading your newsletter and I have been
following your advice and guidance. When I approach a group I
ask, “What would Jeffy or Tyler do?”
Since then my top count has gotten over 60. I am now an
approach machine and now see the social matrix as I’ve never
seen it before. Let me just give you ONE example of what I’ve
been able to do just by reading your free newsletters.
The day after Thanksgiving I went to the mall, because from
past experience I KNEW there would be a lot of hotties there.
Now, keep in mind that I’m in my LATE 30s, though I LOOK about
30. That’s what the women tell me anyway.
My frame is that ALL women like me, no matter what their age.
I spotted a 5 girl group, looked to be about 20-22 age range. My
CHODE of wingman, an old college buddy, thought I was nutz. I
immediately walked up to them and use a line that I got from a
magazine.
Me: Yo Ladies, you look bored. So let me brighten up your
day by askin’ ya something.
Them: What??? We look bored? What makes you say that?
Me: (Not buying into their frame) OMG…it’s OBVIOUS. But tell
you what. Since you’re all here in a group already I’d like to
take a poll.
Them: Uh yeah.
Me: Now Tom Cruise claims he LOVES Katie Holmes, right?
Them: Yeah. (yes ladder going).
Me: So I’d like a female perspective on this. Tom claimed the
SAME thing with Nicole Kidman yet he divorced her before she
could legally claim HALF of his assets, I found that very
interesting.
Now he’s 43 and Katie Holmes is like 28 or something like that.
Do you THINK he’s really in love with her?
Them: Various answers: Oh yeah/Of course/blah blah blah
Me: Ok, do you guys know who Criss Angel is?
Them: OMG!! Yeah..he’s so hoooottt!/cute/babe/I don’t like his
hair
Me: Well, I learned a neat trick from him and I want to show
you.
So I ran my Criss Angel routine which involved having one of the
girls close her eyes and go back to a time where she felt really
happy.
Then I had her in a deep trance, so to speak and I started
guessing things about her. I did this to 2 of the girls, then
looked at my watch and told them I had to go. But I told them
that I’d love to show more tricks.
I walked away with ALL their email addresses and two of the
girls’ phone numbers. The target that I really wanted turned out
to be a really HOT Latina who was 22 years old and attending
Pasadena City College.
Needless to say I’ve gone out with and her friends 3 times
already and yes, I’ve been able to ISOLATE her and extract her
back to my place.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR NEWSLETTERS! THEY ARE THE BEST!
My first name is Chad, but I call myself FREEDOM.
Because I’ve freed myself from slavery…….
Chad
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
Great letter, man. Best I’ve read all week.
I mean, it really needs very little commentary. You’ve got the
attitude, you’ve got the technical skill, everything.
This is what I’d call a textbook pickup, really. You kept a
strong frame in the face of adversity everywhere: from your
buddy, from the girls, etc.
I find it hilarious when guys email me, “I am older, and I want
to take the bootcamp, but I don’t think it will work for a guy
my age.”
What these dudes don’t realize is that I know guys that are
way older than them, who have 20 year old girlfriends coming
out the wazoo. These are not isolated cases, either. I see it
all the time.
It’s their FRAME that makes all the difference. The difference
between being a naturally attractive man and being a headcase
who mastubates in a hostel window on a Saturday night.
And yeah, you may want to re-think the whole “what would jlaix
do” bit, because you just might find yourself telling the
girls about a crazed wanker, then burying your face in their
cleavage and crying.
The look on the student’s face when I did that one was
priceless. I was winging for him, and I guess it worked, because
he ended up pulling the girl home. He showed up for the next
day of program with massive scratches all over his back and
a placid expression as though all was right with the universe.
But hey, that’s what I do man. I make it right.
When you’ve been running live, in-field programs as long as
we have here at Real Social Dynamics, you learn how to make it
right, with consistency. Over the years, we’ve held ourselves to
the highest standard, making CONSTANT, NEVER-ENDING improvements
to ourselves and to the program until we’ve developed what we
believe to be the best product of its kind on the market today,
BAR NONE.
No gimmicks. No mental masturbation. No window masturbation.
We BLAST your brain, scouring away negative and self-limiting
beliefs and behavior patterns.
We take you into the real world and show you how it’s done.
We give YOU the reins and let you experience a power you’ve
never felt…
IF you’re ready for it.
Are you ready? I’m serious, ask yourself this. Because if you’re
not, I don’t want you to waste your time, or your money. I don’t
even want you coming NEAR my bootcamp.
But if you ARE, then there’s no time like the present to visit
our website, learn more about the bootcamp, and sign up today:
http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/n/bootcamps.asp
It’s time to rock.
Actually, it’s time to take our next caller. And rock.
*** QUESTION ***
Hey Jeffy,
This is Dmitriy (dk) - we’ve met in the Project Hollywood
Mansion and at various seminars at San Francisco.
I read your newsletter about dealing with girls with boyfriends
- great stuff! - and thought I’d share my own story.
There was a chick from school that I sort of liked and felt a
good chemistry with. I knew she had a man. I invited her to go to
a party with with me and some friends.
At the party we flirted a lot, and wound up making out, as I
expected. There was no mention of the boyfriend at all.
A few days later I ran into her and invited her to go out for
ice cream, which she accepted. We went out and she did bring up
the guy a few times.
In this case I acted completely comfortable. I don’t remember
what I said, but essentially I had the frame of “I am OK with
the fact that you have a boyfriend, yet you are here with me.”
(Essentially reframing “I have a guy.” to “I have a guy, is that
OK with you?”)
The date went very well. She actually told me later that she was
in panic after I asked her for ice cream and was talking to her
girl-friends trying to figure out what to do. Her friends told
her to go, let the boyfriend know about it, and make sure I am
aware that she has one.
Sounds like chick logic to me. “Hey, if the guy is aware that I
have a boyfriend and he is still going after me, it’s not my
fault.”
Anyway, fast-forward a bit. She breaks up with the dude 2 weeks
after the first kiss, her and I start seeing each other more and
more, I take her virginity somewhere along the way, and we
eventually get into an exclusive relationship.
It’s now been about 3 months since we first kissed. I know I
know, getting into a relationship with a girl who cheated on
her boyfriend is a no-no, but this case does have some other
circumstances making it less so.
She is mormon by upbringing (does not really believe it now) and
was a virgin. Out of all of the girls I have been with she
somehow happens to be most compatible. Sex is great,
relationship is going really well, she makes me food, helps
clean my house and she “loves” me.
This is where my question comes in.
1) What can I do to make the possibility of her cheating on me
as small as possible?
2) What are the signs of a girl who is ready to cheat on
her boyfriend? I figure either way no harm done - I am having a
great time, if she cheats I move on; of course I would like to
prevent it from happening or get out before it does.
My understanding is that a girl is very unlikley to cheat when
her relationship is going really well, she is “in love,” sex is
great, etc.
But I don’t know what happens when a girl has cheated previously
and another guy like me - someone with game - comes along. I
know you normally answer game related as opposed to
relationship-related questions, but I figured you’ll have some
input from your general understanding of social dynamics.
Thanks,
dk from l.a.
>>>>>> MY REPLY:
Well, first of all, I wouldn’t even call that previous guy
her “boyfriend” because she wasn’t even having sex with him!
I’d call him more of an ORBITER or a PLATONIC FRIEND.
Look man. This whole “take steps to ensure she doesn’t cheat on
me” thing is BULLSH!T in my opinion. It’s not going to help you
in any way.
In fact, by thinking about this crap, you’re actually making it
MORE LIKELY to happen than if you didn’t think about it.
The reason is something called the Pygmalion Effect.
In the Greek myth, Pygmalion was a sculptor who created a female
statue and wanted so badly for it to be real that, with the help
of Aphrodite, the statue came to life.
What psychologists now refer to as the Pygmalion Effect is
essentially a self-fulfilling prophecy. What we expect tends to
come true. Even if that expectation isn’t accurate, we will act
in ways consistent with the expected outcome, and in the process
our entire physiology and speech reflect this. People have a
tendency to respond by adjusting their behavior to match ours.
The end result is the expectation becomes true.
In other words, obsessing about how to prevent her from
“cheating on you” is only going to ensure that she does.
There’s an underlying problem here, and it has nothing to do
with this particular girl or her past behaviors. I’ve known a LOT
of guys who constantly obsess over this same thing, and they all
have one thing in common:
They pretty much hate women. When it comes down to it, they
think that all women are idiotic liars who have no control over
their behaviors.
Now, I’m not saying this is YOU. But you would be wise to
examine your core beliefs surrounding this issue and determine
if that IS in fact the case.
If it is, then you’re gonna think this about every girl you
get involved with, regardless of her history.
The fact of the matter is, this guy she was seeing before was
probably a loser, and he probably treated her poorly. In other
words, he couldn’t hold a candle to you.
You should be proud of that. YOU were the man, YOU were the one
that was able to win her heart and get her to open up in ways
she never had before to ANYBODY.
Focus on THAT, instead of how she left some moron who wasn’t
giving her the value she needed to feel secure enough to do that.
From there, focus on continuing to give that value, in ever-
increasing ways, on a daily basis.
To put it another way, you’re her Prince Charming, man. Whatever
you’re doing, keep it up and you should be fine.
Look. This knowledge liberates you to do things you never
imagined possible.
And our Superconference product would be a great place to begin
accruing it.
The Superconference is held semi-annually in select cities
across the globe, and is administered by none other than our
erstwhile commander, TYLER.
During the program, you will be carpet-bombed with the most
advanced information available on this subject today, straight
from the horse’s mouth.
You’ll have unlimited access to the man responsible for
revolutionizing the way people see male-female interactions. He’s
there, live, right before your eyes for two whole days, during
which you can pick his brain until there’s nothing left.
Ouch.
Again, Tyler only does a few of these per year, so space is
definitely limited. Learn more about the Superconference here:
http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/n/seminars.asp
Cool. Well, now that my work for the day is done, I think
I’m just gonna close the computer, set it aside and go right
back to bed.
Damn these ridiculously comfortable sheets.
Sincerely,
Jeffy, Executive Coach
REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS
No Comments »
No comments yet.
Leave a comment