The Case of the Nasty Nerd

Word up… wanted to take this opportunity to give you a
quick update on my never ending quest for self-improvement.

After many miles on my buddy’s Suzuki GS500, a rudimentary
class and a horrfying trip to the circus freakshow that is
the DMV, I am now fully licensed to operate a two-wheeled
motor vehicle in the State of California. I’m in the process
of shopping for a bike right now.

Additionally, I’ve found a group of friends who are going
to enroll in the necessary classes to learn the ancient
art of BREAKDANCE with me. I’ll be spinning around on my head
in no time.

When I say I’m gonna do something, I do it.

Now, when I first let the loyal readers here know about these
plans, I got a lot of feedback. Most along the lines of,
“Wow, man that’s awesome!” and the sort… guys talking about
motorcycles, etc.

But when you have a subscriber list in the hundreds of
thousands, you’re bound to have some chode who has to be
a sourpuss.

So yeah, some guy wrote something to the effect of, “Yeah,
that will be so cheesy, you ride up on your chodocycle and
do some breakdancing moves and the girls will be all over you.
What are you, some 70’s tv hero? Please, you are TRY HARD.”

Well, I can see where the guy’s coming from, but he’s sort
of missing the point. Okay, he’s TOTALLY missing the point.

YES, it would be “try hard” if I was engaging in these
behaviors in order to get women (already have more than I
could handle if I wanted to), and yes, they would be
able to see right through the facade.

There is a huge constituency of guys out there who do these
sorts of things for precisely those reasons. Get the sports
car, the bling, the ripped abs, etc. in an attempt to get
girls.

Then they find out it doesn’t work and I end up meeting them
on Bootcamp.

Without GAME, these things are worthless, as you’re unable
to capitalize on the benefits they bring. WITH game, they
are rendered irrelevant anyway.

I’m not doing these things to GET WOMEN.

I’m doing them because they’re FUN and AWESOME. Until you’ve
opened up the throttle sitting on a 400lb. machine with 150
horsepower, you have no idea. Think about having the freedom
to express yourself on the dance floor in ways you never
imagined.

They’re the things I always wanted to learn, but always had
an excuse for.

“There’s no time.”

“I’m not in good enough shape.”

“It’s expensive.”

Look man, excuses are like assholes…

…everybody has one.

It’s time to STEP UP and SEIZE your dreams.

The women are secondary. And if you DO get them as a
consequence, it will be because you’re exuding that joy for
life, that is fundamentally beautiful to ALL people.

So anyways, now that I’ve cleared that up, let’s move along to
our awesome question and answer session:

*** QUESTION ***

So I’ve found that over the last month or so that I’ve been
practicing this stuff, I’ve run into a similar pattern with
most of the women I approach:

I can usually approach a single, pair or small group, and
usually get people interested/curious in me. I am not,
however, getting them laughing for the most part.

I tend to try a lot of funny comments, but they’re not coming
across as funny. It’s wierd because I get real funny and
laughter as feedback when I’m just chillin with my friends.

I’ve also experimented with some future adventures projections,
and little imagination exercises. What has ended up happening
usually is I can see these girls getting attracted, but then
eventually they instead get annoyed.

This sometimes happens within a the first interaction, and
sometimes it takes place over a week or so of slowly building
interactions. Sometimes it’s during/after the 2nd meeting,
but the pattern is always the same (so far):

Get girls’ attention, flirt/funny/mess with her, at some point
it goes too far and she gets irritated for real.

This has happened consistently, so I know there’s something
going on here, in terms of who I’m being, or something I’m
just missing (or both).

I’ve even had a woman in my bed that I met over the internet
a week before, who ditched her man to spend the evening with
me, only for me to annoy her somehow and end up blowing it
after things had already started…

The first couple times I thought it was just tests, but
seriously after how many times this has happened I _know_
there’s something I’m communicating that just isn’t
congruent, or is otherwise really offending these girls.

Have you ever run into this before? Any ideas?

I definately used to be real chode, and particularly shy with
women. Now it’s almost like I’m too cocky, not enough funny,
and friends are telling me that I’m coming across as mean.

How can I “get my bearings” in conversation…?

Thanks,

JAE - northern Virginia

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

Have I ever run into this before? You bet.

In fact, it used to be a huge sticking point for me.

I would learn all these arrogant lines, but when I’d bust them
out I’d get poor, even hostile reactions.

Why?

Because I was miscalibrated, and furthermore, my whole APPROACH
to them was incorrect.

See, many guys who are not having the success they want get
frustrated. They can’t understand how to unlock the puzzle of
social dynamics. They begin to view it as a battle.

They eventually develop negative anchors towards women;
women become this thing that they can hang all of their
frustrations on.

“It’s US VERSUS THEM man!”

Then they come across these arrogant lines, and finally it’s
like, “Heheh, I have the POWER now!”

What ends up happening is they use them with venomous intent,
and instead of becoming a cool, attractive guy, they just
become a NASTY NERD.

Now, I’m not saying this is necessarily the case with you, but
you should examine your underlying thought patterns as they
relate to this area. Be honest.

Are you maybe a LITTLE BIT like the guy I’ve descibed above?

If so, take the time to seriously reframe your outlook. This
is not a war, and these types of comments are not intended to
be used as WEAPONS.

They are PLAYFUL, not HURTFUL. Remember that, and adjust your
delivery accordingly.

Okay. Another way that guys screw themselves with this stuff
is that they see it works pretty well, so they hang their
entire game on it.

Their entire personality becomes one big arrogant joke.

It’s funny at first, but gets tiresome very quickly once the
girl sees that he’s just using it as a CRUTCH to give him
the APPEARANCE of being “alpha.” But it’s just a facade, a front.

Once she can determine that, it’s game over buddy.

So, to recap:

Deliver the lines more PLAYFULLY. It’s always FUN, not MEAN.

Don’t use them as a crutch. Have a well-rounded personality
so you can drop this crap after the initial attraction
stages, and BE REAL.

That’s it! It’s that simple.

Again, don’t think I’m trying to bust your balls here… I’m
speaking from experience because I had the exact same problems
when I started out. It’s a relatively easy thing to fix.

I think you’re gonna be just fine.

Thanks for writing. Next caller.

*** SUCCESS STORY ***

Hey,

Glad to report a enourmous success story,

Decided to take a cruise last week, during the popular spring
break time, and I just made a goal to open one hot woman a
day.

This may not sound like much, but a big step. You know what
finally clicked?? There is nothing to be scared of, and the
only girls that are mean or cold are ones you could have
guessed if you just stood back and chose carefully.

I think I’ve been focusing on the girls that are really no
fun to talk to as my reference, and not focusing on all the
really fun girls that are great to game on.

If you just stand tall, and walk with confidence and open
with authority about yourself, you most of the time don’t need
super game to get some conversation going.

Question: When getting physical, I’ve discovered something I
call the “NO” shield, a women seems to naturally decline
every advance at some level to see if you are man enough to
make it up the hill.

What do you call this?

Ron

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

Well, it’s a natural response that exists for a number of
reasons.

First off, you’re right that they want to see if you’re “man
enough” to persist in a cool way that will prove you’re
worthy. They don’t want to get sexed by LOSERS, and can you
really blame them?

The second reason is that they don’t want to come across as
a “slut” who is “easy,” because if that’s the case the guy will
be less likely to call them back.

It’s called last minute resistance, and it’s something that
we all deal with. Just be glad that you’re actually GETTING TO
THE POINT where you encounter this, as opposed to standing
on the sidelines with a drink pressed up against your chest
WATCHING other guys pull.

So yeah, congrats on the success. Sounds like you’re getting
to where you want to be, slowly but surely. Screening for
quality women can certainly save you a great deal of headaches.
I wish I had learned that earlier.

Just don’t let that “careful choosing” become an EXCUSE or
RATIONALIZATION to not approach!

I wish you all the best. You’re on the path now. Enjoy your
new life.

Maybe it’s time for YOU to STEP UP and make this
dream a reality.

You can do what I did, which was hunt and peck in the dark
looking for what worked and what didn’t. I spent hundreds and
hundreds of hours in the field, crashing and burning, gradually
learning the ropes. School of hard knocks indeed.

Or, you can read our newsletters. I pack these things with
content that you can actually apply in the field, it’s good
stuff. It’s not all marketing hype, I want you guys to walk
away from this with some actual KNOWLEDGE, know what I’m
saying?

But reading can only take you so far, I’m sure you’d agree.

Maybe it’s time for YOU to take a bootcamp. You’ll pole-vault
your game to new heights, very rapidly. The powerful teachings
of the Executive Coaches combined with hardcore feedback and
critique IN THE FIELD all add up to an experience that’s the
equivalent of MONTHS in the field by yourself.

Life is short, you know that. Stop messing around. Step up
to the plate and sign up for your Bootcamp TODAY by visiting
here:

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/n/bootcamps.asp

Okay, next caller.

*** QUESTION ***

I have a compelling question for you. Let’s make it brief…

Whenever I am going to a club I gather all the energy and
burst it in the form of various spirals, figures and sparkles
in all the directions like some sort of firework (pls get it
right :D).

What I am talking about is Dancing.

Jlaix, I have never heard you talking about dancing.

Secondly, I do not remember any famous stereotypical seducer,
inluding James Bond, Alfie, Hitch, Brad Pitt doing that too,
except of dancing those romantic Latino style ones.

Excuse me Hollywood! I even remmember Doctor Hitch remark,
it goes something like this: “Just do not dance!”.

What the heck is this?

First thing first, a little bit about me! For me dance is a
way to express yourself, is something like exaggerated form
of body language reflecting my inner state. Plus, it is a
perfect way to hasten deep physical interaction.

Basicly, when dancing, I confidently approach with a very
positive mood and a big smile on my face, I make the girl or
the guy move away (if they dance in the circle), I introduce
myself or throw some funny line that is on my mind, I pretend
that I am gay, I command, make them do what I want.

I give freedom to my creativity and do whatever stupid thing
is on my mind. The last time I imagined that my arm is a
snake, which is slowly sneaking to twist around somebody neck
or bite the face or whatever :D (really stupid bussines).

Finally, at the point of peak attraction I leave and let them
rest for eleven minutes. If I am interested I enter again and
again.

By the end of the day, I find myself running from many girls
all around me :D (literally running, offcourse). And it seems
that girls love when I do it. I get lots of compliments.

But not always… Sometimes it is just BLAH. Recently I
figured out, that ocassionaly I may come across as totally
needy nerd: girls are not paying attention, girls pushing me,
“closing” their body language, obviously not liking it.

Your response is appreciated, cause this question makes me
feel dizzy.

Loving you with all my heart,
Edward from Edinburgh

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

SUPERSTAR?! Is that YOU?!!

Just kidding… but you may recall a newsletter where I found
a guy in a London nightclub who was going totally wild, dancing
in his own reality. We named him Superstar, and I was sure he
could get tons of girls due to his rock-solid frame.

Now, dancing is not the end-all be-all of game. Far from it.
However, it is a COMPONENT that you would be wise to
have a certain mastery over. At the very least, you should be
able to do a little two-step to the beat when the girl pulls
you onto the dance floor.

But, if you CAN go all-out, then there’s no reason not to… it
can be a great way to amp up attraction.

Remember: game is just an expression of your inner state,
conveyed by the rhythms you use to direct the energy of the
interaction.

Sounds a lot like dancing, doesn’t it?

It’s PERFORMANCE. If you can intuitively understand the
expressions, rhythm and energies of dance, then it’s just a
hop, skip and a jump to mastering GAME.

Go back to your letter, replace the word “dance” with “game,”
and you’ll find it works perfectly.

I also enjoy your idiosyncratic weirdness… your arm is a snake?
Rest for ELEVEN minutes? This stuff is great; it shows that
you’re expressing yourself congruently, and when you do that
nobody will judge you.

Remember: the thing that is most attractive about one person
might look totally weird on another. It’s all about CONGRUENCE.

Great insight, bro. I’m sure all the readers will appreciate
it. Unless they are morons.

On that note, allow me to introduce you to the ANTI-MORON,
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All right, I got to go see a man about a horse. Talk to you
soon.

Sincerely,

Jeffy, Executive Coach
REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS