Slow And Steady Wins The Girl

As you may know, I’m always talking about weird stuff here, and this issue is no different.

One of the things that I’m fascinated by is dental hygeine and all things related to it. I’ve even gone so far as to incorporate a conversation starter known as “The Dental Floss Opener” into my game.

It goes like this:

“Hey guys, settle an argument for us real quick. Now, think long and hard about this, because your answer will determine the course of our entire friendship.”

“Flossing: BEFORE or AFTER you brush?”

Sit back and watch the hilarity ensue. Or at least the mild amusement.

Anyway, I’ve discussed this in the newsletter before, which prompted one reader to send me a very illuminating email.

In it, he discussed the advent of a magical new product on the supermarket shelves which might interest me. It’s a little device like a toothbrush, but with dental floss on the end. He said it would “change my life.”

So I found myself at the supermarket a few days later, getting chicken and vitamins, and lo and behold, I saw the device in question. It was roughly 4 bucks, and came with extra floss heads.

Needless to say, I snapped it right up. Now, I’m flossin’ like a multi-platinum rapper.

My life is changed. Thank you, unnamed reader!

Till I collapse, I’m spillin deez raps, you know this… let’s take some reader mail.

*** QUESTION ***

Jeffy, I’m very interested in a lot of things about your program. A quick question, and I will keep it brief. A girl I am interested in was a friend for a while — lately she came out of the “friend zone” by us showing signs of interest in each other.

Recently she sent me a text message saying: “I love you but I’m afraid to tell you — wanna just make out??”

Understanding that this may have been only half serious, I still replied with “absolutely.” Since then I have not spoken to her once, though I have tried to get a hold of her once or twice in a two week period.

I do know that her and I will talk again soon. What do you reccomend as a battle plan??? Thanks a million, brother! Dan >>>>>> >>>>>> MY REPLY:

Okay, well I gotta tell you, you made a mistake by saying, “Absolutely.”

Often, when a girl makes these kinds of forward comments, it’s a test to determine whether you are a value taker or not.

And unfortunately, in this situation, you’re sort of damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

In other words, if she says, “wanna make out” and you say YES, you appear over eager and chodely. But if you say NO, then you’re eliminating the possibility outright.

The best thing to say in response to something like this is to say something vague and noncommital. My friend Neil takes a page from Ali G and simply says, “Respect.”

That’s all water under the bridge in this particular instance, however, so let’s go ahead and develop your “battle plan.”

First off, and stick with me here, but you may want to avoid referring to your interactions with women in terms like that. This isn’t some WAR where you’re trying to DEFEAT the evil enemy that is woman, dude.

It might not sound important, but one thing I’ve learned in my years in the game is this: the metaphors you employ to define things can be EXTREMELY powerful.

So if you’re thinking of this stuff as some sort of violent struggle, that’s going to color all of your interactions in a not-so-good way.

Okay, now that that’s out of the way, let’s move ahead with your “game plan.”

What I’d do here is act completely normal, as though nothing out of the ordinary ever took place. That message never happened.

>From there, execute standard game. Isolate her, build deep rapport while simultaneously escalating physically. Not really anything special.

This reminds me of a time I was on Bootcamp, and we were using the “Friend Zone” conversation starter… “Hey guys, if a guy is in the friend zone with a girl, is there any way he can get out?”

These drunk girls responded, without missing a beat, “Yeah… he can DO HER.”

Simple. Elegant.

Okay, maybe not so elegant. But simple.

Have at it buddy.

Next caller!

*** SUCCESS STORY ***

Guys,

On behalf of “men around the world” I’d like to say thanks you guys really know your stuff. Now I’m fairly new to this about 6 months & haven’t as yet taken a course and I’m really looking forward to taking a course outside my home town (Melbourne).

My whole persona and outlook has completely changed I’ve suddenly found myself with at least a different date a night.

What I’d like to state though is the game is leaving me exhausted, not because I’m being a try hard but I feel like something is being sucked out of me it’s really strange.

Anyway my latest conquest:

Me this girl & started MSN ing we were to meet sat morning for a first date, she doesn’t turn up but I have breakfast anyway, opposite me sitting a hot girl, I meet her & get a number (uncanny in that her name was exactly the same as the date that stood me up).

Anyway following nite 12:00 am on MSN my stood up date logs & apologizes, I reply I want you to come over she says she can’t I tell her meet me in my office as I want to show her my art collection (we have art hung up but it’s not mine).

She can’t it’s too late. I ask her to call me, as I pick up the phone I say “What’s your address I’m coming over.” Repeatedly in a cheeky but firm tone.

She actually gives it to me, I drove over there (PS never met this girl, first face to face date was to have been the day before). She opens the door & she’s a sweet beautiful girl with sensational eyes & smile, immediately we start kissing etc etc.

What did I learn? Tyler speaks about how value isn’t spoken it’s conveyed I now have that to my arsenal and will keep working.

Again I want to thank you guys and can’t wait to take a course in New York.

R.B.

>>>>>> >>>>>> MY REPLY:

Oh yes. I love this. This is the stuff right here man.

This is what I’m talking about when I refer to HARDCORE FRAME CONTROL.

When I get some girl on the telephone, I will BLAST her frame away, and HAMMER her until she relents and gives me the address, agrees to meet me, whatever.

Bravo, dude.

Another thing that I love about this is the way that you didn’t get flustered when she flaked on you at first.

Many guys would have taken this personally, and consigned the girl to the old circular file. You took it for what it was, a flake.

You can never eliminate flakes, only mitigate them, so it’s important to keep the big picture in mind and not give up the ghost when you get one.

Looks like you’re really starting to wrap your head around some of the more esoteric concepts in this game. One crucial understanding that you mentioned is the fact that value is not spoken, but rather conveyed indirectly by means of your actions and demeanor.

Cheers man, you’re becoming privy to the secrets of attraction.

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And shall we take our next caller please, welcome to the RSD newsletter:

*** QUESTION ***

Hey Jeffy!!

I was out last night doing some pickup training. I started gaming 2 girls and had a few guys come and try to cut in. I managed to blow all these guys off fairly easy and built some serious rapport.

When it came to seal the deal, I got foiled by a guy who was keen, but had not gamed the girls at all. Anyway, both girls were kinda embarrased. I got one number (of the girl I didnt really want) and the other gave me an email address.

My question is, I am keen for a date but the whole email thing is kinda lame. I got her number from the phone book, but is this kinda stalkerish to go calling and when she asks tell her I got the number from the phone book? If this does happens, should I just frame control it away and change the topic?

Thanks Champ!

Milhouse

>>>>>> >>>>>> MY REPLY:

Milhouse. You are a Simpsons character. Okay.

I like this letter because I feel conflicted about it.

On the one hand, you’re absolutely correct in assuming that getting this woman’s number out of the phone book is creepy and “stalkerish.”

On the other hand, you’re confident you can “frame control it away,” which I find ballsy and awesome.

The frame that you employ here is going to be crucial. Personally, I’d play it off like a huge joke.

I’d call her up, and be like, “Yo. It’s me. What’s up?”

When (if) she asks how I got the number, I’d say, “I pulled a straight stalker move, got it out the phone book. I’ve been pining over you nonstop while listening to Lionel Ritchie in the dark, staring at a candle.”

Take it over the top, thereby taking the wind out of the stalkerish sails.

It only matters if you ALLOW it to matter.

This is your world, Milhouse, we just live in it.

I’m somehow reminded of our fearless Commander, Tyler. And wouldn’t you know it, he’s got a crazy new course full of handouts and slides just for you.

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That’s right baby.

All right, Daddy-O it’s time for Jeffy to go floss his teeth with his newfangled flossing device until they bleed. Then I’ll take a nap and hit the gym.

See you next time.

Sincerely,

Jeffy, Executive Coach REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS