Finding Those Quality Women

Today I wanna open up the newsletter with some insights I’ve
been having lately with regard to the quality of women I’ve
been dating.

See, it wasn’t that long ago that it seemed like every girl I
went out with was some sort of psychopath.

This one’s an alcoholic. This one’s on drugs. This one’s a
self-mutilator. This one has severe mental problems. This
one’s an alcoholic, self-mutilating drug addict addicted to
drugs with severe mental problems.

Everywhere I turned, nothing but these crazy women.

And of course, if you were to hang around me, I’d tell you all
about it. Yeah, I’d sit there and for 30 minutes moan and
wail about how there were no “quality girls” in San Francisco,
how the whole city was like living in one of those holiday
snow globes, except instead of snow, it was blow whirling
around dirty hipsters with crappy haircuts.

Oh… woe is Jeffy!

However, not too long ago, I came to a revelation.

I realized that by continually focusing on and thinking
about these messed-up girls, I was inadvertently DRAWING THEM
TOWARDS ME.

By constantly complaining about them, I was essentially
putting out an incantation to the universe to bring them
right to my doorstep. Of course that’s all I was finding…
I was constantly LOOKING FOR it.

So I made a concerted effort to put that stuff out of my head.
I just STOPPED THINKING ABOUT IT. That’s it.

Before you know it, I was finding myself involved with a
much higher calibre of woman. Successful people who had
stuff going on in their lives and who were NOT total head
cases. It was as though the world was presenting me with a
whole new class of opportunities.

I kid you not, it was like NIGHT AND DAY.

Whaddya know.

Anyway, this is a complaint I hear from a lot of guys, and I
thought it might be helpful if I shared my personal solution
here.

Stop focusing on the negative, because when you do that, you
end up bringing MORE of it upon yourself.

Okie dokie, it’s Q&A time.

*** QUESTION ***

I’ll try to keep this short and to the point.

After dating some really messed up girls here in Vegas I
found one that might just meet my standards.

Some friends and I went to a local bar/restaurant to hang
out. This girl Julie was there playing pool and hanging out
with some wussy guy that after some observation was not her
boyfriend but knew her somehow.

She came over and made conversation with my buddies
girlfriend who she recognized (Julie works at the bar but
was off at the time). At that time I introduced myself and
she started to talk trash about how I should play a game of
pool so she could whoop my ass!

I of course accepted the challenge and informed her that the
ass-whooping would be the other way around. I’ve always used
the cocky technique by the way and it works great! The pool
playing and trash talking went on for a few hours and she
loved it!

I did lose and eventually moved to darts where I cleaned up
shop on a friend. She was stuck playing pool but kept coming
over to talk a bit of trash, comment on how nice my hands
are, and say how my subtle and sarcastic humor is really
cute.

She was touchy feely all night, and paid more attention to me
than pretty much anyone else all night. My friends actually
thought I was going home with her so they bailed.

I made the move to get her number by saying “So is that guy
your boyfriend? No? So what you’re saying is that you would
like to write down your number so I can give you a call
sometime.”

She said she actually doesn’t give out her number to people
she’s just met because “it’s gotten her in trouble before.”

I was shocked.

I told that I guess I probably won’t see her again and went
to leave. She comes back with, “That’s it? You’re just going
to leave?

Anyways this went on for a little bit and she wanted me to
come in and hang out the next day for the Super Bowl but I
had another date and refused to give her my number for the
principle of the matter.

Was I being stubborn?

She says that if I want to see her again I have to come back
to the bar. I normally wouldn’t give so much thought about
ONE girl I meet at a bar but I haven’t been that attracted to
a girl for a while. I get a good vibe from her and would like
to hang out more.

Should I go back in to take another stab at it?

This email’s getting a bit long so I’ll leave it at that.

Your advice would be much appreciated!

DB
Las Vegas

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

Okay, you were doing great until you dropped the ball on
the phone number.

First off, the way you went about it seemed a bit convoluted
and halfassed. It was as though you were “hedging your bet”
in case she said no with this elaborate sentence structure.

If it were me, I would have offered her my phone number, then
when she accepted it, told her to call me because “I don’t
answer numbers I don’t recognize.” Voila, you got the number.

Anyways, I’m not surprised she was reluctant to give the
digits. Why? Because you were coming off as this awesome,
alpha dude, and then when the rubber met the road, you
pussed out. INCONGRUENT.

Don’t trip man. It happens to everyone. I’m not judging you,
just telling it to you straight.

You still could have saved it at this point, I’m thinking
if you were to have said in response, “Shut the F up and
give me the damn number, this isn’t ‘BEFORE’ this is NOW. DO
IT,” and thrown my phone at her.

Basically just dominate the frame if you know what I’m saying.

Now, you were definitely being stubborn and letting your pride
get the best of you here dog. Pride is a deadly sin, remember.

You did it for the principle, huh? Well, there’s an old saying
where I’m from:

It’s not about the principle, it’s about the INTEREST.

I’m from a land where accountants run wild and free like
free-range chickens. The point is, WHAT ARE YOU GETTING OUT
OF THIS STUBBORNESS? At the end of the day, what do you have
to show for this pride?

ZIP.

Of course, I’m a big proponent of the School of “It’s Not Over
Until YOU Say It’s Over.”

As long as you’re not allowing this to degenerate into some
“special snowflake girl” scenario, in which case you’ll
start to reek of desperation, I’d say it’s fine to go back to
the bar with some friends to play a fine round of billiards.

And if you end up seeing her there, well hey! Whaddya know.

Just don’t be so stubborn this time.

Happy hunting my friend. Have fun.

Next…

*** SUCCESS STORY ***

Hey Jeffy,

I’m a little behind on the newsletters, but the one where you
scored the model was AWESOME. You were able to parlay your
occupation as a ‘dating coach’ into a qualification-baiting
frame - and it seemed to make her genuinely more attracted
to you.

I’ll refer back to this one often, because if you just
substitute ‘dating coach’ for ‘professional musician’, I think
your material is broadly applicable to my own
life/game/skillset.

So dude, one quick question for you. I’m 25 years old… I
lost my virginity 10 days ago at a party. I escalated
physically and then we hooked up in the host’s bedroom.

Then, I slept with the girl again last Saturday night
(followed by cuddling, and forming a strong emotional
connection). There seems to be real intimacy there… but
this is NOT a ‘one special girl’ question (while I genuinely
care about her, I’m not interested in an exclusive girlfriend
at all).

My concern is that the incredibly strong drive that has been
a motivational driving force for the past several months
might begin to wane now that I’m ‘getting some,’ and I’d
really appreciate your thoughts on how to:

1) maintain a strong, unrelenting drive and

2) use this newfound sexual experience to exponentially
improve my overall game.

Thanks, dude.

Steve

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

Okay, good question.

Your concern is valid. Up until now, your goal has been
very clear. To lose your virginity. Now that that goal has
been achieved, it would be quite easy to lay back, rest on
your laurels and fall into a pattern of stagnation, or even
depression.

This reminds me of a phenomenon back that emerged back in
the 1960s, when we first sent men to the moon. The astronauts
would return after their historic trips, and many would
fall into serious depression. Some even developed life-
threatening addictions.

Why? Because they felt there was nothing left in life to
accomplish.

After you’ve been to the moon, what else is there?

This is the trap you’re facing right now.

The solution is to immediately set a new, higher goal. I’m
not sure what that will end up being, because that’s going to
be up to you.

When I first got into the game, I set up a simple goal:

To get competent at doing cold approaches on strangers.

When I accomplished that, I immediately set up another goal:

To get a one-night stand off a cold approach.

Boom… accomplished. Then I’d set progressively higher and
higher goals, setting up a new one each time I came close
to achieving it.

Getting with a “nine.”

Pulling a stripper out of the strip club.

Having threesomes.

Etc. etc.

This will be the key to maintaining that strong, unrelenting
drive of which you speak. And you’re right to want to keep
sight of this… because a strong INTENT is CRITICAL to
your success in this game.

As far as exploiting your recent experience to maximize your
game, don’t worry about that. There’s not anything you
need to do on a conscious level to reap those benefits. It’s
wisdom, man… it will permeate your being whether you like
it or not.

Congratulations on the success, and here’s to many more.

Now’s the time to consider taking one of our Bootcamps.

Our bulletproof system is the final product of years of
fine-tuning, polishing, and perfecting. It’ll increase your
success beyond what you thought imaginable. And it’ll empower
you to approach anyone, anywhere, and break the tension and
build rapport, while sounding like an old pro.

Listen: knowing exactly what to do, and when to do it, will
trim years off your learning curve. (And most “naturals” never
learn this at all.. they “shoot from the hip” and their closing
ratios are embarrassing… yet they still get with dozens of
hot girls per year!)

If you’re feeling a strong inner pull that says “Do
this!”, then trust your instincts, and grab all of the tools and
resources we’ve spent years developing - so you can instantly
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To learn more, check out this link:

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Okay, let’s have the next contestant on The Price is Right…
come on down!

*** QUESTION ***

jlaix,

I have a quick question for you. But first, I just want to
say that your newsletters are amazing and I will be taking a
RSD San Francisco bootcamp soon. I can’t wait!

Ok, my question is this. Girls are constantly calling me a
player and I don’t know exactly why.

I’ll meet a girl and by the second date she’ll say something
like “you’re a player aren’t you?” or “I have my eye on you,
you’re a heartbreaker kind of guy.” And I don’t know why I’m
getting this.

Is it because most guys out there are total chodes and I just
seem different, or am I doing something totally wrong?

I try to establish an emotional connection early to prevent
this but it doesn’t always work. So how do you prevent being
labeled as a playa and how do you respond to such comments?

Thanks man!

Mike from Utah

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

Well, seeing as how you live in Utah, the answer seems rather
obvious.

Mormon polygamy, of course.

Okay, that made no sense whatsoever. Disregard that. Unless
you don’t want to.

Look, let me give you my two cents on what’s happening here.

You might just be too damn smooth for your own good. I
used to get this sort of comment a lot, when I was first
starting out in the game.

I felt a need to be Mr. Smooth all the time, to keep my value
sky-high every single moment. And you know what? I was pretty
good at it.

Unfortunately, it came across as too scripted and polished.
Like, there was no way that any guy could be that good, unless
he was VERY experienced at doing cold approaches. Hence…
PLAYER ALERT!

You know the difference between a bad actor and a good one?
Like, say the difference between some chode on a sit-com and
Al Pacino?

The sit-com guy is TOO PERFECT. It doesn’t seem REAL because
REAL people don’t talk like that. When Pacino does his thing,
it’s *just rough enough* around the edges, just like in real
life. It doesn’t seem scripted AT ALL.

The player who is too smooth comes across like some plastic
food display in a department store… it’s just too clean,
too anti-septic. It appears REHEARSED.

That’s when you get these kinds of comments.

Again, I speak from experience. Remember, I’ve been blown out
more times than you can imagine because of this very thing.

What you’ve gotta do is focus less on being perfect according
to the textbook, and more on being flexible in response
to the fluctuating energies of the interaction at hand.

Make sense? I hope so, because if you make this small but
crucial change, I know it will make all the difference in
the world.

Thanks for writing.

So that’s it. Remember, RSD has Bootcamps available in most
major cities every week of the year, so if this is something
you’ve been thinking about for a while, there’s no time like
the present to reserve your spot.

Also, be sure to check out our new Superconferences… a special
classroom seminar taught by none other than Tyler himself. Though
the program lasts only two days, you’ll be thinking over the
material he presents for WEEKS afterwards.

It’s packed beyond full with instantly applicable information
that will take yourgame and your understanding of the social
matrix to the next level. Like the Bootcamp, this is really an
incredible value for the money.

I know you’re curious. Act on that feeling and find out what the
Superconference is all about by clicking here:

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/n/seminars.asp

You’ll be glad you did.

All right, gotta run, I have a date with a talented and
glamorous photographer. Word.

Sincerely,

Jeffy, Executive Coach
REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS