Dinner, Dating, and Texas Hold ‘Em

As you may know, I took up the ancient art of cooking not too
long ago, mainly as an adjunct of my recent health
transformation.

Cooking for yourself is infinitely cheaper than eating out, and
you can control every ingredient that goes in to fit your own
nutritional profile.

Well, we’re going on 10 months here, and I’m starting to get
pretty damn good at it. I’ve come a long way from those anemic
chicken salads I was preparing for myself back in Barcelona.

I sense a rhythm in the act of preparing a complex meal that is
familiar to me. Just as in pickup, you need to find that unique
rhythm and ride the wave skillfully if everything’s gonna come
together.

The other night, I decided to try something new.

Instead of going out for a date, I invited the girl to my place
so I could cook for her. “Bring wine, some chocolate and any
‘extracurriculars’ you might want.”

I think the girl was expecting freakin’ Mac and Cheese because
she was blown away. I had twinkling lights out on the back deck
under the stars, elaborate place settings, hurricane lanterns
and a kalanchoe centerpiece.

For dinner, I did a Tri-tip roast (which came out to succulent
perfection) with artichokes and TWICE-BAKED POTATOES. The girl
was incredulous that I actually made twice-baked potatoes.

“Well, you know,” I said, “I took a couple hours, but eh…” I
shrugged and put on Barry White.

After dinner, we retired to the living room, where I got the
fireplace blazing with the flickering, romantic lights of love.
We lied down on the bear rug in front of the fire, drinking
Kaluha and coffee, eating chocolate.

Then we banged. The End!

In any case, this was an awesome new “date” strategy for the
books. I wouldn’t have been able to pull it off if I hadn’t
developed these new cooking skills, so take this as a
resounding endorsement of the idea of getting ANCILLARY SKILLS
to your game.

ANCILLARY (adj): relating to something that is added but is not
essential.

Think about that later, because right now, it’s question time!

*** QUESTION ***

Hey Jeffrey,

I would like to ask you a question.. After getting in touch with
the pickup-scene and trying out things for a while, I understood
that you have to eliminate and overcome your fears and limiting
beliefs FIRST, before you can achieve any kind of reasonable
success out in the real world.

So I would like to ask you as an expert, what do you think are
the most common and important fears and limitations that you
have to overcome?

What were your personal problems you were struggling with, what
do you think the majority of your visitors do struggle with?

What do you think?

Best regards

Pit

>>>>>> >>>>>> MY REPLY:

Okay, let me think for a moment here.

I would have to say that there are two fears/limiting beliefs
the immediately come to mind.

The first is, “I am undeserving of hot girls.”

In many cases, this is symptomatic of the culture of
superficiality, that places a 19 year old girl who’s accomplished
absolutely nothing in her life at a very high value, simply
because she knows how to smoke enough cigarettes to stay
skinny, and knows how to work some old dude over for $$$ to get
fake breasts.

Don’t buy into this. Your life experiences and accomplishments
are unique and valuable. Realize that this is not affected by
superficiality or external validation, and these fears largely
dissipate.

On the other hand, maybe your life is NOT at a level where you’re
giving much value to others, and as such the limitation is
somewhat warranted. What are you bringing to the table? Do you
have cool friends? Hobbies? Nay, SKILLS?

If not, perhaps it’s time to make a concerted effort to improve
yourself in ways that will make you a more well-rounded person.
Then these fears will vanish.

The second limiting belief I encounter a lot is the idea “It
matters what other people think.”

Now, a warning here… this doesn’t mean you can go around doing
whatever the hell you feel like. There are limits to how
unorthodox your behavior can be in our society, and if you
cross them, you may end up in jail.

As long as you’re not doing anything ILLEGAL, however, you’re
totally free to say or do whatever you want. FREEDOM IS YOURS.

Unfortunately, many guys go into the game worried about what
people will think of them for approaching strangers, etc.

There’s an old saying: “Don’t worry about your reputation,
because that’s only what people THINK about you. Be concerned
with your CHARACTER, because that’s what you really ARE.”

In other words, as long as you’re living up to your own personal
standards of conduct, who cares what other people think?

Are you even aware what your personal “code of conduct” is?

Take a moment to think about how you see yourself when you’re
at your BEST. You’re not petty, vindictive, lazy, etc.

If you make a commitment to yourself to behave each day in
a generous, forgiving, productive, etc. manner every day, even when
you don’t necessarily FEEL like it in the moment, then you are
living up to your standards and code of conduct.

This is independent of some outsider’s thoughts or feelings about
you. YOU know at your core that you’re an awesome person, so
you cease to attach any significance to the fleeting opinions
of others on the subject.

Anyways, those are two big ones. Work through those and you’re
well on your way to having a VERY tight inner game.

Thanks for playing.

*** SUCCESS STORY ***

J to the X

Thanks for the Newsletters, I really enjoy them. I feel like I
know you the way you share your experiences and adventures so
freely.

The newsletter you wrote about consistency a while back started
a little chain reaction of thought. I am passionate about the
game of Poker (as well as the “game”) , Texas Hold ‘Em in
particular. I studied for months, reading book, websites, even
had a few low stakes games on line.

I thought I had it down. I am a clever guy and when I put my
mind to it can do some really cool stuff.

Cut to a game I managed to get into in my home town in the UK.
It is 5am, I am in the back room of a fish and chip restaurant
playing my first night of poker. I am sitting opposite a big
hairy dude called “The Greek” with about eight spectators.

The Greek is smiling because he is counting up all the chips and
my head is hanging because he just beat me good. Now I played a
good game and on paper, I knew the tricks, the odd, all
that stuff.

The only thing this guy had that I did not was a bit more
experience. So all annoyed about why I lost I studied more and
it did not help.

All sounds way too familiar huh?

The problem was experience that’s all; I was unlucky and should
keep at it with what I got.

I carried on going to the poker nights and got a few small wins
and more than a few losses. The thing is I WAS vastly improving
my game but never actually won a big game since I started.

I think it wasn’t until my seventh or eighth poker night that I
owned everyone at the table. I was due a big win. I knew it,
everybody else knew I had tight game.

I got my big win and with that the poker name “The Bookkeeper”
and I was ordained into the low stakes gambling sub-community of
my home town.

I still enjoy my poker nights but my latest obsession is social
dynamics. So I am putting what I have learnt about poker into
pulling.

Consistency and real life experiences are what count. Not the
chips or lays at the end of a month.

I suppose your newsletter in a roundabout way drove the message
home.

Thanks dude

Tallerguy
AKA, The Bookkeeper!

>>>>>> >>>>>> MY REPLY:

One of my favorite axioms is, “Ordinary actions taken consistently
produce extraordinary results.”

Don’t make your goal perfection, because when you get to a
new level with anything, you realize there’s a level above
where you’re at.

Throughout history, men have been driven insane by the pursuit of
an unattainable “perfection.” The fact of the matter is, it
doesn’t EXIST, except for perhaps very brief moments in time.

What it all comes down to is learning to enjoy the process itself.

The JOURNEY if you will. Best band ever!

Where are you at in YOUR journey?

Wherever that may be, maybe it’s time for you to LEVEL UP. Eat the
power pill, take the mushroom and grow into Super Mario where you’re
shooting fireballs out your ass.

Okay, that’s a bit over the top, but nonetheless, it’s still an
excellent analogy for what you’ll experience when you decide to
participate in one of RSD’s live, in-field Bootcamps.

Our programs are individualized, which means the experience is
customized for your particular needs and skill level.

Most beginners will find themselves getting into cool conversations
consistently. Intermediate students should be opening and building
attraction in every interaction, and advanced students will find
their game at top level after taking the bootcamp.

Simply put, this is the most inexpensive product of its kind
on the market today. No one else offers this level of intense,
personalized coaching at this price. And the fact of the matter
is, we just won’t be able to offer it at this price very much
longer before it starts to adversely affect our bottom line.

Don’t be caught kicking yourself because you missed out!

To learn more and sign up for your Bootcamp today, visit our
site:

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/n/bootcamps.asp

Rock on… next!

*** QUESTION ***

Hey Jlaix first thanks for all of your advice and writing.
Anyways I’ve been reading your newsletters for a while and I
just got my first number EVER in a bar.

I’ve found that bars are a bit of a challenge for me because
I’m a recovering extreme introvert and loud bars are the LAST
place you would have ever expected me to be seen a year ago.

Hell I didn’t even get my first kiss until a few months ago
and just turned twenty one recently.

I’ve found that bars are a great place for me to expose myself
to social pressure and even though I’m a short law student
with glasses and generic clothes by being loud I can get
attention of just about anyone.

So here’s the story. I see this cute Asian chick looking
around for her friends in this college bar. I go “You look
bored” loud and she starts laughing.

I tell a story and joke around a bit — then I notice we’re
in a high traffic area so I get her to move a few feet so
were not getting bumped around. Then her sister comes and I
get cut out of the conversation — so I start talking to her
sister and tell both of them another story.

I get a little bit of rapport when these two huge guys show
up. The first chick introduces them and they make a circle
around me. Then I get kind of quiet — I started getting all
in my head and my jokes start to suck and I can tell that the
girl is focusing on the most alpha of the guys and I’m kind
of just standing there.

We end up sitting at a table and again I’m in my head and
being quiet. As they get up to leave I talk to the first
chick again — I give her my phone and tell her to put in her
number and she does and I go to another bar to attempt to
pick up more girls.

Anyways two questions. When you’re in a mixed group you just
met, especially a large one, what do you do to hold the
attention of everyone so you don’t lose value and start to
fade out?

Second if you’re working a large mixed group what is the best
way to go for isolation or a same day date and not piss off
her friends?

I’m thinking about taking a boot camp to help me go from
quasi success to the real success — because I can’t
f**cking take being a virgin anymore.

Thank you again for your valuable advice.

Matt

>>>>>> >>>>>> MY REPLY:

Well, Matt, as you’re aware, when dealing with a big group,
everyone needs to be engaged or you’re gonna lose them. Now,
a lot of the time, the group members will engage EACH OTHER,
so things become easier. But this isn’t always the case, as
you learned.

It can be very difficult for one guy to hold the attention of
all the group’s members, unless he’s a magician or something.

So you might want to try this in the future: merging groups.

This is a simple concept where you see a large group you want
to enter, and you merge it with a smaller group.

In practice, this means you go up to a smaller group of people,
usually you want to look for a pair of “lesser-quality” girls,
and open them up. Get them hooked and attracted, then say
something like, “Oh my ghod, you have to tell my friends!”

Then you drag them over to the other group and open that one up.
Neither group is aware that you literally JUST MET the other.

Boom, you’re in. The social proof of rolling up with two girls
on your arm allows you to penetrate the larger group, and
additionally, the two girls you brought in with you can now
occupy the people in the group that might become obstacles to
your getting with the girl you want down the line.

Getting isolation is simple: you have to make the friends LOVE
YOU.

Easier said than done, right?

Not really. You employ the same principles that you’re using
to make the girl you want fall for you, and use them on her
friends.

For a self-styled “recovering extreme introvert,” this can
seem a little intimidating, but trust me, I’ve been there and
I can tell you first-hand… it’s a piece of cake.

Just stay out there in the field, and keep practicing
consistently. The skills and the field intuition WILL come,
with time.

Speaking of which, you’re gonna want to clear your calendar,
and MAKE TIME to attend our latest program:

THE SUPERCONFERENCE.

It’s a classroom seminar taught by Tyler himself, and take
it from me, this thing ROCKS.

Imagine TWO FULL DAYS of juicy secrets and material that’s
immediately applicable, and you’ll begin to appreciate what
this program’s all about.

Whether you’re a guy already at the top of his game, taking
the next step to the elite level, or a guy who is shy finally
coming out of your shell after a lifetime of being an
introvert, the personal benefits you’ll get from this
Superconference are nothing short of life-changing.

To learn more and see when the Superconference is coming to
your area, visit our site:

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/n/seminars.asp

Before I go, I have a confession to make. This stays between
you and me though, okay?

I didn’t make the twice-baked potatoes. I actually got them
from Costco. Everything else, all me, but those damn potatoes.

SHHH! DON’T TELL.

Sincerely,

Jeffy, Executive Coach
REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS