Crippled With Fear, Part I

Dear Speed Seduction(R) Student,

I just had the following exchange on the Speed Seduction(R)
Yahoo support group(you only get membership when you buy your
SpeedSeduction(R) Home Study Course at:

http://www.getresponse.com/t/7852742/

Anyway, this student wrote to say he was crippled with fear.

Here’s what he sent:

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>
> Hi everyone, I’m Dan from San Diego, CA. I’ve never really
looked at> this site yet, or posted. I bought all the stuff in
October06. I> began reading threw it and studying it like nuts,
then triedit on one> girl in particular and it worked well, but
i didn’t get withher,> mostly cause she turned out to be nuts.
But anyways, I’veapproached> 30 women since then, and got like
2 numbers with no luck. Iknow my> problem is I’m studying it,
but not applying it. I don’t knowwhy I’m> so scared. I do all
of the exercises and meditations,they help a> little, but really,
i just need to….be more consistent I suppose.
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Part I Of My Answer

Dan, first of all, in order to feel fear, you have to have some
expectation of how things will turn out.

If you didn’t have an expectation that you would fail, you
wouldn’t be fearful.

If you didn’t have an expectation that you MUST succeed, then
you
wouldn’t fear failing either.

The reality is, when you approach a woman…

……You Don’t Know What Will Happen!

The problem is NOT that you don’t know.

The problem is what you wrap around that not knowing.

If you wrap around that kernel of truth-that you don’t know-if
youwrap around it all sorts of “stories” about not knowing, then
you getthe fear process all fired up.

What do I mean by “stories”?

I mean any kind of internal imagery or dialog like, “She’s gonna
reject me.” Or visualizing her rejecting you and then you
imagine feeling crushed. Or any number of combinations, infinite
combinations of getting the fear process going.

Note also I said, “process”.

SS is about becoming an expert observer of human “process”.

By this I mean, Dan, that fear is not a “thing”.

It’s not like your kidneys or your bladder or your lungs(which,
viewed properly, aren’t “things” either, but this isnt’ a lesson
on Buddhist thought).

Fear is the end feeling result of an internal subjective mental
process you run on yourself.

Now then, before I tell you the answer, let me ask you:

What if you were to just say to yourself, “You know what? I
don’t know what is going to happen here and I don’t like the
fact that Idon’t know. So let’s go see what happens, find out,
and at the veryleast I’ll learn SOMETHING, either about my own
responses or about her or both and I might even have some fun!”

In other words, instead of aiming for confidence, what if you
took a step back and aimed for NEUTRALITY?

What is neutrality?

Neutrality=not knowing + being ok with not knowing - any stories
or internal chatter/noise about not knowing + opening to the
POSSIBILITY you will learn something useful + opening to the
possibility that you MIGHT have some fun with it.

Wow. Nice bit of math there, huh?

My point is, before you aim at confidence, aim at neutrality so
you can get your ass moving in a better state.

When you drop all the stories and turmoil, your “vibe” changes
to something much more appealing.
This is all what I call “acceptance confidence”.

Performance confidence comes from having successfully done
something many, many times before, so you reasonably expect
you can do the same or similar thing quite well again.

It’s too early for you to have performance confidence.

Now, there is also what I call “rehearsal confidence”.

This is when you use self-programming, hypnosis, etc to imagine
acting/feeling/being more confident.

This can work, quite well.

In fact, I have two great products on the website at:

http://www.getresponse.com/t/7852742/

that address this very thing: the Unstoppable Confidence Mp3
download, and the Beyond Confidence DVD’S.

However, for some guys, who get really stuck in their heads,
it’s more important to get the acceptance confidence down FIRST.
For guys who are really stuck in their heads, more rehearsal can
= LESS actual action in the field.

Ok. I hope this helps. Part II of my answer tomorrow.

RJ

P.S. Check out the NEW official home of Speed Seduction(R)

http://www.getresponse.com/t/7852742/

And join our affiliate program: 20% lifetime commissions on all
products bought from your affiliate link!

P.P.S. Looks like end of March will be by first teaching gig
after a year of vacation. Stay tuned for the official announcement!

P.P.P.S. As I said in a previous email, I am no longer
associated with Straightforward or Yates Canipe. Please do
not inquire with them about my seminar schedule; they are not
involved with it.I also know nothing about any events or
seminars they may be promoting or teaching and so I do not
endorse or recommend them.

Ross Jeffries
6245 Bristol Parkway #275 Culver City CA 90230 United States