Controlling the Flow of the Interaction

Time to kick it with Jlaix and the RSD newsletter yo! Wicky
wicky wack!

Sorry.

So, latest news from Jeffyland. As you may know, I enjoy
wearing my hair in a distinct fashion. It’s sort of a dirty,
shaggy JBF Elvis that stands up, anime-style on top. With a
little homage to a mullet in the back almost.

Now, I’ve always been a big fan of HAIRSPRAY, but found it
annoying for several reasons:

1. It frequently smells like passion guavas or something.

2. It needs to be applied at regular and intervals is hard to
travel with.

3. It makes the hair stiff and unnatural looking.

So, I was delighted when I discovered a new way to get it to
stick up, without all of this nonsense.

I just don’t wash my hair.

When I was on vacation in the jungle, I didn’t bring any
civilized crap… no bling, no products, nothing.

Well, color me surprised when I discovered, after the third
day, that my hair was just sticking up and looking damn
fly of its own accord.

So yeah, I’m just running with it. You know, wash it once
every couple of weeks, squirt a BIT of spray on it, like a
grain of sand in an oyster to form the pearl, and watch it
develop.

By day three, my hair is magical.

Awesome. This puts me in the perfect mood to answer reader
mail. Let’s go.

*** QUESTION ***

Hey, I’m a recent RSD alum and I have a question about the
emotional connection. Well, first off let me say that I really
have learned a lot from you guys already.

I’ve been getting a lot better at opening groups and moving
into deep and wide rapport. But I think I’ve been slipping on
the connection part.

I know that all this stuff can happen at the same time, but
when you move a little further along i mean you’ve been talking
for a while and things are going on and your into the deep and
wide rapport, is it good to keep on teasing a women. Busting her
balls while your trying for the connection.

Any advice about what kinds of things, guidelines or rules of
thumbs would be awesome.

-B

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

Okay, I like this. This is a somewhat advanced question, so I’ll
break it down in very simple, easy-to-understand terminology.

First of all, congratulations on the progress. The fact that
you’re consistently getting past the approach and attraction
phases of the pickup says a lot. It says you’ve kept up your
skills after the bootcamp, and you should give yourself a pat
on the back right now for that.

All right, enough wanking. Let’s address the question.

There’s a couple things you want to keep in mind when you’re
into the rapport phase of an interaction.

First of all, should you keep teasing her or not?

Frequently, I’ll be talking to a girl, and she gives me the
necessary indicators of interest, i.e. asking me personal
questions, touching me, etc., and I’ll move her into isolation.

Then I’ll start slowing things down, getting more personal,
and dropping a lot of the wacky, over-the-top fun attraction
stuff.

So it’s going well, and all of a sudden, BOOM, she starts in on
me again with some kind of tease.

Now, when you’re in the attraction phase, the correct response
is, of course, to bust her right back in a funny way that shows
you’re in control of yourself and you’re a money, witty guy. In
fact, if you DON’T respond in this manner, it’s likely you’ll
get blown out of the group.

However, once you’re in the rapport phase, if you respond in
this way, you’re essentially going backwards in the pickup on
her schedule.

When you do this, what you’re essentially doing is QUALIFYING
YOURSELF. In other words, you’re showing her that you’re coming
from a place of lower value, because you’re capitulating to
her frame in order to placate her.

Make sense?

So, what’s the correct way to respond when the girl tests or
teases you during the connection phase?

Well, I’m glad you asked. It’s quite simple actually. What I’ll
do is act like I’m sad she busted on me. I’ll make a sad face,
and say something along the lines of, “Don’t be mean to me…
I thought we were past all that ball-busting stuff. Can we
play nice? I will if you do…” and then I’ll stick out my
pinky for her to “pinky swear” on it.

This is the perfect way to keep the frame and maintain the
trust and comfort levels you’ve worked so hard to build. Don’t
blow it by going BACKWARDS for no reason!

Now, there is one other thing to keep in mind here, and it goes
back to something else that you said.

You know that the structure of a pickup isn’t strictly linear,
and in fact the different phases do have a tendency to sort of
“meld together,” like a recipe. Add some rapport, sprinkle some
attraction, etc.

What that means is that you want to monitor the level of
attraction at all times, even when in the rapport phase.

Because what’s going to happen once you make the transition is,
you’ll notice the energy dies down somewhat.

If you let it die down TOO much, she’ll lose interest entirely
and it’s quite possible that you’ll lose the girl.

So, what you want to do is occassionally SPRINKLE in little
bits of attraction material, i.e. the teases and so forth,
whenever you sense that the energy level is getting too low.

This is a concept known as “fractionation,” and just like
anything in this game, it takes a little bit of practice until
you can calibrate it just right. And, of course, every
interaction is different, so that must be taken into account
as well.

Play around with it, though, and I think you’ll be pleased with
the results.

Thanks for writing. Let’s see who we got next…

*** SUCCESS STORY ***

Hi Jeffy,

I just got finished with the Montreal seminar/workshop, and I
can tell you (and I’m sure you’re not surprised), that it was
the most profound experience of my life. I’m 54 years old,
look 44, attractive and in excellent shape. Thanks to your
program I am no longer a chode, but an aspiring pick up artist.

I want to thank all the instructors from the bottom of my heart.
Each and every one made a huge impact on me and my fellow
students. So thanks to: Tyler, Tim, Todd, Randy, Michael,
Jonathon, Siam.

Question 1: Other than my brother who is a natural, I haven’t
met anyone here in Jacksonville, FL, near my age who is into
this game, and therefore I lack a wingman. Going out here
alone is a daunting experience. Everyone seems to be in
groups or with someone. Any advice?

Question 2: What do you say to guys my age who may still have
a lingering limiting belief that younger women won’t be
attracted? I gleaned from the program that with enough game,
age doesn’t matter. I find plenty of middle age women on the
internet, but 95% of the girls in the clubs and bars are in
their 20’s. Any wisdom?

Again, thanks so much for the program. Bootcamp is next for
me.

Jeffrey M

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

Thanks for writing in Jeffrey. Great name by the way. Keep it
up.

Good to hear you are in “excellent shape.” Many guys neglect
this area, and while looks are not essential, every bit
helps, and certainly the confidence factor that comes from
being fit can’t be overstated.

Let’s talk about the folks out at the club in the groups.

Everyone seems to be in groups because they are.

You have to understand the dynamic here, mmmkay? A lot of guys
go out and they start doing this stuff, and maybe they’re
getting lukewarm responses. It starts to get on their nerves,
because hey, everybody else is all social and having fun,
while they’re sinking into some miasma of despair.

The thing is, OF COURSE those people are having fun. They
came with their little group of friends, and those are the
only people they are going to talk to all night. They came
with them, and they’ll leave with them.

They aren’t approaching random groups of strangers like we
are. We are living on the edge and pushing the frickin
envelope, man.

It can be nerve-wracking, sure. But I wouldn’t have it any
other way. The thrill of victory, the agony of defeat and all
that.

HUZZAH!

Anyway, I digress. Let’s talk in practical terms though.

Many guys freak out, or at the very least, become intimidated
when going out by themselves, for a variety of reasons.

Sometimes guys ask me, “what do I say if she asks if I’m
there alone? Won’t it seem weird?”

YOU’RE THINKING TOO MUCH.

Just frame control it away. Girl asks me that, I look like
a sad puppy and go, “Yes. I have no friends. I am such a
loser. Maybe one day I can become a real boy,” or some such
nonsense, change the topic and BOOM problem resolved.

Other guys worry about not having a wing to back them up.
This is a valid problem in many instances. In any case,
you’re not always going to have a buddy to go out with you,
so you might as well get accustomed to working alone.

The thing is, I don’t even think about things in those terms
anymore. Once you’ve been going out consistently for a period
of time, you begin to recognize people. Every single night I
go out, I’ll run into several people I know. In a sense, I
never go out “alone.”

As far as your second question goes, you’re talking about
identity-level beliefs here. These are the kind of things
that can take some time to change.

Look, I used to think that pulling off threesomes was
something that only happened to porn actors, until I actually
did it a couple of times. After that, it just became a fact of
my existence. No big deal.

In other words, you’ve got to resign yourself to the fact
that it’s going to take some work to completely eliminate
these lingering doubts from your psyche.

Another thing to ask yourself is whether you’re interested in
girls that young. I mean, I’m only thirty, and while girls in
the 18-23 year age group are pretty hot, they can also be
annoying.

You can go to places which are more upscale and lean toward
an older demographic, like lounges in the nicer hotels. A lot
of times, this is where I’ll take an older guy on Bootcamp.
The girls, er… women, there are still damn hot, and even
better they probably have a LIFE and MONEY. Heh.

That’s what makes our live Bootcamp product unique. We offer
the lowest student to instructor ratio in the business, which
allows for a program custom-tailored to your individual
needs.

What you need to do now is visit our website, where
you’ll learn EVERYTHING you ever wanted to know about the
Bootcamps:

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/n/bootcamps.asp

Word. Keep up the good work in the field, and in the gym
player! See you on Bootcamp.

*** QUESTION ***

Hey man.

I really appreciate what you offered in your past newsletter of
getting that junk out of your brain and just doing what I want
to do and not thinking about it.

Thats been a problem with me. I’ve recently been getting more
and more relaxed with myself and everything and its like one
day I just broke through.

I stopped operating with my neocortex or my emotional brain and
was running with just survival. I was just looking at everything
and reacting… not thinking too much about anything.

It’s like living in a whole new world man.

But I’m starting to overthink again… Its like I’m trapped in
my mind and I’m not just living and experiencing. I fckin hate
it. Any words of wisdom would help a lot dude.

Take it easy.

-mike

>>>>>> MY REPLY:

Well Mike, to answer your question, I think we should explore
the ideas of “being congruent” and “living in the moment.”

I’ve talked about these ideas before, and I’ll probably talk
about them again, because they’re very important. If you want
to achieve success in this arena, they are, quite frankly,
indispensable.

But they’re also two of the most difficult concepts to wrap
your head around, because they’re so abstract.

A lot of times, a guy will resolve to “stop thinking,” and have
success with it for a while, but then fall back into the same
old patterns of “overthinking” which you mentioned.

With this in mind, I’m going to try to help you out here,
and really dig into the meaning behind these ideas.

When I talk about being congruent and living in the moment, a big
part of that is quieting the inner dialogue and shutting off
all those filters of insecurity that cause you to be concerned
with what MIGHT happen, instead of what IS HAPPENING.

In set, the very best that can happen is to become completely
carried away by the interaction.

Then, regardless of your own will, and that incessant stream of
thoughts, you live in the moment, you “live the part” so to
speak, not noticing HOW you feel, not noticing WHAT you do, and
it all moves of its own accord, subconsciously and intuitively.

This is what Tyler calls being “externally centered,” as opposed
to internally centered.

A great man once said:

“You may play well or you may play badly, the important thing is
that you should play TRULY.”

To play truly means to be right, coherent, to think, strive,
feel, and act in unison with your role, the role of a high status
individual who is funny, who adds energy to the interaction so
chemistry takes off, raises emotions, and is desired by women.

Think of it this way: whatever happens in an interaction must
be for a purpose.

When you’re interacting with the girl, there can not be, under
any circumstances, action which is directed immediately at the
arousing of a feeling for its own sake. To ignore this rule
results in only the most disgusting artificiality.

When you’re choosing some bit of action in set, leave feeling
alone.

That means, you don’t try to be cocky, or confident, or
playful, or to form an emotional connection, just for its own
sake.

In reality, all of these things are the result of something that
has gone before. So what you need to do is think as hard as you
can about the thing that would typically evoke these feelings.

As for the result, it will produce itself.

Learning how to do this is a process, not something you can
achieve overnight.

So, in other words, it’s not a question of actively TRYING to
shut down the thinking process. It’s something that comes with
time, as a result of training your thought processes in the
way described above, until it’s second nature.

Of course, you’ve already made significant progress, so don’t
discount that or be too hard on yourself. The very fact that
you’re even attempting to do this sets you apart from 90% of
the population, so hats off to you in that regard.

Keep plugging away at it, and you’ll get there eventually.
Remember that Rome wasn’t built in a day.

When I think of Rome, I am reminded of some of history’s
greatest orators. And when I think of history’s greatest
orators, I think of RSD founder and evil genius Tyler.

Nice segue, huh? Man, I’m full of over the top hyperbole today.

Anyways, just wanted to take a moment to remind you of Tyler’s
new traveling three-ring circus of pickup information, the
renowned SUPERCONFERENCE.

This is a two-day seminar featuring the latest ruminations and
revelations about the game from one of it’s best players.

Maybe you’ve heard Tyler speak before. Maybe you think you’ve
heard it all. But if you have, then you know that Tyler never
rests… he’s constantly WORKING and thinking about new angles
and ideas that nobody’s ever considered before. Ideas that
could rock the game to it’s foundations.

This is the Superconference. Two full days of face time with
Tyler, and it’s coming your way. Check our website for more
info and tour dates:

http://www.realsocialdynamics.com/n/seminars.asp

Okay, that wraps up this issue. Me and my new magical hair
style are OUTTA here.

Take care.

Sincerely,

Jeffy, Executive Coach
REAL SOCIAL DYNAMICS